I can't explain how stressful this week has been. I have had multiple midterms and a mountain of homework to conquer - I guess I didn't fully realize just how stressful college can get, since I haven't been this overwhelmed yet. On Wednesday, I had to just sit down and force myself to take a break from homework and studying because I was driving myself insane. I know that I push myself too hard sometimes, and it's so difficult for me to take a moment and realize that it's okay if I need to take a break in order to continue doing my best. I am a perfectionist to the core, so doing something with only half of my effort is never an option. While that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can be unhealthy when I literally force myself to power through homework and studying to the point where I am in tears.
I have never dealt with anxiety and stress well, and being at college, it is only intensified. I worry about the littlest things, and when I'm stressed I am just a ball of nerves that gets worse and worse until I inevitably break down. I envy people who don't have anxiety; to go a day without worrying about every little thing would be a dream. Sometimes it's difficult for my friends to understand how I fixate on little things and have trouble making decisions because I worry about every single outcome possible. What if I make the wrong decision? Or what if this happens, or that, or even something I didn't even account for? I think about it all, and it makes me so angry with myself because I wish I could just easily make a decision and just be done with it.
All my life, my dad has always told me "It ain't nothin' but a thing" when I'm really worried about something, which helps put everything into perspective. Like the quote above, the way you deal with stress and anxiety is more important than the actual thing that is stressful. I know that I don't deal with stress and anxiety in the best way; I just try and focus on other people and never talk about my own stress with others because I don't want to be a bother to anyone. I love helping people and listening to their problems, but I just don't like to draw attention to myself since I'm a very shy person. I've slowly been realizing, though, that it's really important to talk about your troubles. Loved ones are the people you should be able to talk about anything with, and for me, that is my parents most of the time. It helps me when I get other opinions and advice, and to also put things into perspective. A big thing to me could be something small to others, which helps me realize that my worry just might be magnified in my eyes, or that I'm making something way bigger than it needs to be
I don't want this post to be just totally depressing, haha. Writing this is just a sort of therapy for myself after the week I've had. My blog is a creative outlet in which I can write about anything, and that sometimes includes things that are troubling me, or struggling with. I want the majority of my blog to be about all of the things that make me happy, but sometimes I need to talk about the hard things in life. I don't think it would be fair to myself or anyone else if I didn't share my own struggles, because we all have them and need to talk about them sometimes. So while I had a brutal week, I also know that it's finally the weekend and I can do nothing and just wind down from all of this stress!
How was your week?
Thank you so much for reading, and as always have a wonderful day :)